To like or not to like

I often wondered where my personal preferences come from when it comes to food, and over the years I have conducted several experiments where I was my main subject of study. I've come to the conclusion that such preferences are a combination of cultural background + education and training + my own will.

The thing is: I'm almost sure that I can force myself into liking anything that I want to like, even if I currently dislike it. And I have scientific proof. Also, I can force likes into others but I'd generally avoid it since it could be rather violent of me.

- I used to not like eggplant. If I was served any, I'd set them aside on my plate and eat the rest of the dish. But my mom (who I think was the first person to discover that likes and dislikes can be forced into a person) would never get tired of serving me eggplants. She said they were healthy, and she said that vegetables are good, and then she said that people shuold eat a variety of foods. So there. Every few days, it turned to be Eggplant Day. So eventually, I started eating them with disgust. Once, twice... eventually, after eating them and feeling sick many many times, i started noticing that I wasn't so disgusted by them anymore. And then I realised I actually liked them. I like eggplant very much to this day. Specially vinagrette-ones!!

- When I stopped being a baby, I stopped drinking white milk. I could have chocolate milk, but not just pure milk. As a teenager I read that my body would absorb calcium for a few more years, and then it´d stop. So i wanted to increase my milk intake. Of course, i did not want to increase my chocolate intake, so I decided I had to drink pure milk. I swear I hated the smell of it, and I remembered vividly the disgust with which I drank my first glases of white-milk. I forced muyself into liking it. Now, when it's hot and I'm thirsty, I drink milk instead of soda with a smile on my face.

Then I experimented with someone else. For 30 years, my SO drank his coffee with sugar. I never had. So (as any annoying girlfriend would), I tried to convince him that my way was a better way. Of course, he didn't like his coffee un-unsweetened, so he refused. I kept on insisting. I think the first time he drank a "bitter coffee" was not because he wanted to give it a try, but because he wanted me to shut up. I'm sure about that. The thing is... after several repeats of this operation, he ended up liking it. Now my in-laws look at him with a frown each time he refuses to put sugar (or sweetener) in his coffee. And I feel so proud!!!

And no, I'm not going to force myself to like cuccumber, because nothing motivates me to go through the not so pleasent process. Now... if you discovered that cuccumber will prevent wrinkles... please let me know and I'll start training!

Re-planning

It's 10 am on a Saturday, and so far, I'm 3 hours behind my intentions for today (and counting...).
This is supposed to be a busy weekend.

If I go back in time to Friday 5 pm (please allow me to consider that as the verge of the weekend, despite obvious technicalities which would indicate I'm 7 hours early) I'd be still at work, and these would be my milestones planned for the weekend:

FRIDAY
a. leave work as soon as possible, but probably not achievable before 6.30
b. T's birthday at a bar, do not come back late. (I sound like my mom)
SATURDAY
c. wake up as early as possible, depending on b's outcome.
d. work work work in the morning. I need to catch up with at least 3 important tasks for work
e. go to S's birthday (bbq for lunch, but will probably occupy most of the afternoon as well)
f. go to P's birthday in the evening at a bar
SUNDAY
g. wake up early and exercise!! I need to run for at least 15 mins. (I'm pathetic, I know).
h. work some more and finish at least two tasks of the awful pending list that I brought home from work.
i. study for my certification exam (due in June).

Instead, this would be the current progress and revised plan

FRIDAY
a. I left the office at around 7.
b. T is a friend of a friend... I wasn't too excited to go. When I found out that my friend would be going there at around 11pm, I figured that the odds of coming back early were pretty low. So I decided to stay at home and be ready for c.
SATURDAY
c. I set my alarm clock at 7. Figured that by 8.30 I could be hands on my work notebook getting stuff done. Instead I went back to sleep. Got up at 8... not too bad.
d. The morning so far has consisted on shower, breakfast, newspaper headlines, 1 chapter of "modern family", and several blog-catching up. Not only that, but I had the bad idea of updating my own blog... and here I am... thinking that I should also update my personal financial file and clean up the mess in my apt ... and really doubting I will get any work done in the morning. Technically, I could get some done: there is still a couple of hours before "e" is due... but something in the air tells me I just won't.
d. Will do this.
f. I don't know if I'm going. I need to punish myself for d, and also now I will REALLY need to work tomorrow so... now I'm becoming my mom.
SUNDAY
I need to work, I should exercise... I probably won't study.

I keep betraying myself, and I don't have a clue why.

Can I be any more foolish than this?

Have you ever heard about people who get scammed by thieves who make ingenuous preys believe some far fetched story? I have too. One about a guy claiming to know a victim’s nephew and getting invited to come in, to later steal from the home while the hostess makes coffee comes to my mind right now. There are many though. I always felt sorry for the victims, but at the same time I thought it was extremely naive of them to fall for that kind of easy trick. Also I was inclined to assume it was all about credulous old ladies and shameless young men.

So old ladies, I am with you now. I got scammed. I would never have thought I could be so innocent to fall for these tricks. It is long before my fourth quarter of a century starts, and I am already fitting in.

Let me tell you how it was:

• I leave the restaurant at 7.30 pm. Chose a place 3 blocks away from the hotel, to avoid walking long distances, and went early to avoid being out at late night hours. Being in a foreign country and warned about burglars, I have made myself turn quite precautious, yet I try to stay away from becoming paranoid.
• Lady asks what time it is. I answer.
• Lady asks how to get to point X of the city. I have no clue.
• I suggest her to ask across the street, where there’s a store with local people that would probably be more useful for directions around the city than someone who has been in the city for 2 days.
• Lady begins to show (or I begin to notice) some alteration signs… she is kind of shaky… she tells me that her purse was stolen and that she is in shock… that she has lost her orientation and has gotten lost.
• I have no idea how to help her with her orientation, all I know is how to get from there to my hotel. I suggest her AGAIN to ask the locals across the street.
• Lady sticks around though… saying she has no money and no purse and...
• I suggest her to take a cab back home and pay the taxi when she gets there (she looked pretty well dressed, she must have a few dollars at home). Not an option, her keys were in her stolen purse and nobody is home to open the door.
• I suggest her to take a taxi to a friend’s house and ask them to pay for the cab. She dismisses this option as well. (too expensive, no friends close by...)
• anyone reading this chronicle is waiting for Lady to ask me for money anytime.
• she asks me for what would be 5 dollars to take 2 busses home (you were right).
• I’m doubting the veracity of the story but I give her the money anyway.
• Now we are at the other corner, and she seems to realize where she is at and what bus she needs to take (orientation skills appear to be coming back to her).
• I ask her where will she go (given that I see that she coulld take her two busses home, but the problem of the keys-being-in-her-stolen-bag remains)
• She mumbles something i don't fully understand... but it involves a key hidden under a doormat.
• Off she goes, giving me blessings, and recommending me to be cautious not to get my own bag stolen.

There were a few more words here and there and details that I am skipping for the sake of conciseness, but that is pretty much how it all went.

Ok, I’m convinced it was all fake. So why did I fall for it and gave her the money? Am I really so naïve?

Let me comment on one thing: I don’t care the slightest bit about the money I lost.
(5 dollars is not that much money to feel so bad about it).

It is the feeling of being ripped off like that disturbs me. Because… really… if someone steals you wallet (and this happened to me two months ago back in my own country) you may feel mad at yourself for not being careful enough but things are straight: the thief was mean and you were careless (if at all). And that’s the very nature of burglary.

Now… in this case… the thief was still mean… but she was also smart … and I was plain dumb. I was credulous, and I willingly gave her my money. And that is just wrong! it makes me feel guilty and stupid and lame… and I don’t like to feel stupid and lame.

Shame on me.

Unaccompanied

As much as I'd like to say I'm a very sociable person, who is continually sorrounded by numerous friends whom she meets with often, that is not really the case. I have friends that I care for, but sometimes we go relatively long periods of time without seeing each other.

Most of the time, I'm either at work, or in the sole company of the SO. This company is more than enough for me. He is the single person that I prefer to be with in the whole world, and I never regret a minute spent at his side.

So now that I'm working abroad for a while, and I don't get to see him everyday, the likelihood of me spending long hours unaccompanied, has increased exponentially. I have met a bunch of really nice people lately, and I appreciate how receptive they all are, including me in their programs and inviting me to do stuff so that I don't find myself isolated and alone in my hotel room. I'm really thankful.

Still, there are times (and there will be more of them) when I find myself alone in a huge and rather intimidating city. Clearly, I would much rather be with the SO. Given that such is not an option, for now, I am finding that I am ok with being alone.

So far, I've tried to get a feel of the city and familiarize myself with the sorroundings. I've done some walking around, in search of quiet, friendly spots. I've stopped to get something to drink (generally in the fruit juice category) while reading a book (pic on the left). I've visited some of the "turistic" attractions of the city (even though this is more of a business city than a tourism one). I found that one the best feelings comes from just walking and exploring heading nowhere in particular. The good thing about that is that there is no risk of not getting to you destination!

Surely... all of this would be more enjoyable if there was someone to share those moments with me, but I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I will try to make the best out of it all.

Decade of '00

2010 is here, and with the 00's gone, so are most of my 20-something years -decade of 2000 took me from being almost 18 to almost 28-.

I don't like to do New Year Resolutions or alikes, but I enjoyed ina's entry at her blog and it made me want to go trough some of the stuff that I did during the '00s. Making the list was fun, some of these I had already forgotten about

In the '00s, I...

lived in 4 houses (or apartments).
taught math as a volunteered to help kids out.
found my soul mate.
started studying English again, just for fun.
made close friends.
learned basic Portuguese.
taught basic computer skills to elderlies at a gov. organization.
procrastinated too much.
made poor choices.
got seriously ill.
walked on a glaciar.
started and quit gym countless times
pulled an all nighter.
got an Engineering degree.
taught math online helping kids with their school work and got paid for it.
went to several concerts, including: Roger Waters, AC/DC, DreamTheater, U2, Aerosmith, G3, Cafe Tacuba, Charly Garcia, Divididos, Joaquín Sabina.
worked as a TA at University.
drifted apart from close friends.
achieved financial independency.
moved to my own house with SO.
learned how to cook (kind of).
was successful at work.
parasailed.
woke up at 4.00 am just because.
went whitewater rafting.
said something I shouldn't have, and paid the consequences.
hurt others, and regret it.
helped a few people.
became an Open Water Diver.
fell in love.

I confess that in addition of mimicking ina's post, I even took a few of her list as well!

My dispassioned self

I've met people that have an incredible fascination for the most varied stuff: bottles, origami, movies. I open my eyes with incredulity when I'm told about the hundreds of items they possess and the most amazing thing to me is often not the actual item or number of them, but the huge amount of energy that can be put into this collecting activity, and also the joy that the person gets from it.

For others, its not something to be collected, but an activity to be done/performed: they play the violin until their fingertips bleed, they play golf religiously no matter what tempest or tornado is strking that day, they read compulsively and track everything so they can affirm with no hesitation that they have just finished their 235th book this year. All real people that I've met.

Every time I hear "when I tried suchandsuch I instantly knew I'd do it for the rest of my life" or "I could give up everything just to do X" and similar affirmations, it always calls my attention. I don't have any passion of the sort. I love doing lots of stuff: I deeply enjoy reading and can devour 900 pages in a few days when I'm hooked. (some other times I will take forever to finish a short book that I'm not really into). I enjoy listening to music and going to concerts. I love nature and sightseeing and just absorbing beautiful landscapes with my eyes in complete silence. Sometimes I like cooking. More often I like eating. I love other stuff that I can't think of right now.

And yet there is no single thing or activity that stands out over everything else. Moreover, I'm pretty sure that if I decided to devote myself to one, with the intensity that those people devote to theirs, one of the following would happen:

1) I'll start to hate my formerly loved "item/activity" and quit.
2) I'll go insane.

I have not come across anything that I enjoy enough to even consider
3) I will want to do it for the rest of my life and would be willing to sacrifice many other things if had to.
as a possible outcome.

I love the variety, and I tend to think that i need the variety. But I envy the intensity.

I think that one of the reasons that I keep trying new stuff, is that something in me wants to find "it" (whatever it is that I could became so passionate about). I'm almost sure I never will though!!!

Rational as I am, I've pretty much convinced myself that variety is good... that it's even healthier, and better, to really love many things rather than insanely adore just one!!! Still it would be nice to know, if it only lasted a short time, what such a passion feels like.

Not my greatest strength

Whenever I have the certainty that I won't be seeing someone for a very long time, and it becomes rather obvious that I should say goodbye, I mess up.

When I was 14 I moved with my family to a different country. I was scared, and I was in shock, and I had to say goodbye to all of my classmates who went to the airport to see me take off. I was lame. I gave each one of them a kiss on the cheek and said bye as if I were to see them at school the next morning. No tears, not even a hug. I just left. As soon as I took my seat on the plane, I started crying my eyes out, and sobbing desperately.
Nothing to be done at that point, besides watching the crowd wave at me. (yes, it was a tiny airport and I could actually see my friends waving, crazy as it sounds.)

Several years later I went to spend my last summer as a high school student at a US Summer Camp. I met one of the greatest guys there. In a few weeks time we bonded in a way that I didn't think was possible. Nothing intimate... We just got along very well and I think we touched each other lives' profoundly. Anyway, once more, when it was time to go back home, he took me to the airport and I had my second major goodbye scene. This one was a little better than the first, maybe because he was also having a hard time saying goodbye, so we were even. I finally found a witty phrase to leave him with, gave him a hug, and got on my plane. This time I did not even get to my seat. As soon as I turned around and gave my back to him on the aisle I was crying unconsolably.

So then I finshed high school and headed back to my home country. This time, I messed up badly. Classes were over, and I knew I wouldn't be seeing most of my high school friends any longer, because we were all going to college in different countries. A reunion was almost impossible to foresee. And this time, instead of calling or meeting each of them before I left... I just left. Just like that!! I couldn't pull my act together... I just took off. Some people were very upset or offended and I kind of agree that it was rude, but it didn't mean I didn't care... just that I couldn't cope with finishing school, having to move (again!).

Still, this last one was my worst job, and I wished I had managed everything differently (sorry guys).

Now... in a very short time, I will be having to say goodbye to a few more people, and I'm starting to feel that I will mess up again. These are people that I care for that I am very grateful to for various reasons. The last thing I want is for them to think that I don't care when I leave just for being so cold and idiotic when I say goodbye!! Will I ever be able to say goodbye in a way that truly represents my feelings and let the others know how I really feel instead of seeming like a cold hearted robot? I hope so. I've got 3 months to figure out how.