Not my greatest strength

Whenever I have the certainty that I won't be seeing someone for a very long time, and it becomes rather obvious that I should say goodbye, I mess up.

When I was 14 I moved with my family to a different country. I was scared, and I was in shock, and I had to say goodbye to all of my classmates who went to the airport to see me take off. I was lame. I gave each one of them a kiss on the cheek and said bye as if I were to see them at school the next morning. No tears, not even a hug. I just left. As soon as I took my seat on the plane, I started crying my eyes out, and sobbing desperately.
Nothing to be done at that point, besides watching the crowd wave at me. (yes, it was a tiny airport and I could actually see my friends waving, crazy as it sounds.)

Several years later I went to spend my last summer as a high school student at a US Summer Camp. I met one of the greatest guys there. In a few weeks time we bonded in a way that I didn't think was possible. Nothing intimate... We just got along very well and I think we touched each other lives' profoundly. Anyway, once more, when it was time to go back home, he took me to the airport and I had my second major goodbye scene. This one was a little better than the first, maybe because he was also having a hard time saying goodbye, so we were even. I finally found a witty phrase to leave him with, gave him a hug, and got on my plane. This time I did not even get to my seat. As soon as I turned around and gave my back to him on the aisle I was crying unconsolably.

So then I finshed high school and headed back to my home country. This time, I messed up badly. Classes were over, and I knew I wouldn't be seeing most of my high school friends any longer, because we were all going to college in different countries. A reunion was almost impossible to foresee. And this time, instead of calling or meeting each of them before I left... I just left. Just like that!! I couldn't pull my act together... I just took off. Some people were very upset or offended and I kind of agree that it was rude, but it didn't mean I didn't care... just that I couldn't cope with finishing school, having to move (again!).

Still, this last one was my worst job, and I wished I had managed everything differently (sorry guys).

Now... in a very short time, I will be having to say goodbye to a few more people, and I'm starting to feel that I will mess up again. These are people that I care for that I am very grateful to for various reasons. The last thing I want is for them to think that I don't care when I leave just for being so cold and idiotic when I say goodbye!! Will I ever be able to say goodbye in a way that truly represents my feelings and let the others know how I really feel instead of seeming like a cold hearted robot? I hope so. I've got 3 months to figure out how.